12. Advertising Lullabye (1999)- "Don't forget to come pick up your free gift. A deluxe, pretty, custom-made, handheld, gourmet combination pocket pencil sharpener, garden hose and hanky. It's our way of saying 'thank you.'"
11. Euphemisms (1990)- "Sometime in my life, toliet paper became bathroom tissue, sneakers became running shoes and doctors became medical professionals."
10. A Place For My Stuff (1984)- "That's all your house is. It's a place to keep your stuff so you can go out and get more stuff."
9. Stuff On Cars And Driving (1984)- "Let's go for a drive. Actually, you'll go for a ride, I'll go for a drive."
8. Baseball and Football (1990)- "Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything is dying."
7. Words (1977)- "On the airlines, they tell you that it's going to be a nonstop flight. WHAT? I would appreciate that my flight stop. Preferably at an airport."
6. Little Things We Share (1992)- "It's just like ice cream throat. You know, when you eat a lot of ice cream and your throat starts to burn? Soon, it goes away. And then what do you do? EAT MORE ICE CREAM! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
5. Dogs And Cats (1982)- "You'll see your cat slam into the sliding glass door and he'll act as if he did that on purpose. But dogs? Dogs aren't that good of an actor. They'll slam into the door and start whimpering. Then, you'll know it was an accident."
4. People I Can Do Without (1988)- "A man in a hospital gown directing traffic. Guys in their eighties named Skip. People who get their names printed on their belts."
3. Losing Things (1986)- "Have you ever looked for your car keys in the freezer? Why not? They might be in there. Besides, you wouldn't want to pass up an obvious place like the freezer, would you?"
2. More Stuff On Cars And Driving (1988)- "I hate when people tell you to go in front of them while you're driving. Why don't you tell them to go? And when they go, crash into them. And when they get out to complain, say 'Hey. You told me to go.'"
1. Free-Floating Hostility (1996)- "I am so tired of people saying 'I heard that.' So here's what I do. I move twelve feet away from him and yell out a rude remark. When I'm done, I go back to him and say 'By any chance, did you happen to hear that?'"
11. Euphemisms (1990)- "Sometime in my life, toliet paper became bathroom tissue, sneakers became running shoes and doctors became medical professionals."
10. A Place For My Stuff (1984)- "That's all your house is. It's a place to keep your stuff so you can go out and get more stuff."
9. Stuff On Cars And Driving (1984)- "Let's go for a drive. Actually, you'll go for a ride, I'll go for a drive."
8. Baseball and Football (1990)- "Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything is dying."
7. Words (1977)- "On the airlines, they tell you that it's going to be a nonstop flight. WHAT? I would appreciate that my flight stop. Preferably at an airport."
6. Little Things We Share (1992)- "It's just like ice cream throat. You know, when you eat a lot of ice cream and your throat starts to burn? Soon, it goes away. And then what do you do? EAT MORE ICE CREAM! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
5. Dogs And Cats (1982)- "You'll see your cat slam into the sliding glass door and he'll act as if he did that on purpose. But dogs? Dogs aren't that good of an actor. They'll slam into the door and start whimpering. Then, you'll know it was an accident."
4. People I Can Do Without (1988)- "A man in a hospital gown directing traffic. Guys in their eighties named Skip. People who get their names printed on their belts."
3. Losing Things (1986)- "Have you ever looked for your car keys in the freezer? Why not? They might be in there. Besides, you wouldn't want to pass up an obvious place like the freezer, would you?"
2. More Stuff On Cars And Driving (1988)- "I hate when people tell you to go in front of them while you're driving. Why don't you tell them to go? And when they go, crash into them. And when they get out to complain, say 'Hey. You told me to go.'"
1. Free-Floating Hostility (1996)- "I am so tired of people saying 'I heard that.' So here's what I do. I move twelve feet away from him and yell out a rude remark. When I'm done, I go back to him and say 'By any chance, did you happen to hear that?'"
No comments:
Post a Comment